Asscrack the Great

Asinis Foraminis Alvinus Simoni Theodorus, Emperor Asscrack I, or Asscrack the Great was the emperor of the Anal Empire from 1 AC to 33 AC (180 - 203 AD, or 270 - 303 AD). His ass is 2.5 metres round. He lived from -42 AC to 33 AC.

He was likely born in Canterbury and he lived in Northern Italy for most of his early life. He gained fame through flexing his ass.

He rebelled against the Romans in 1 AC and likely had the support of everyone in France, England, and Northern Italy. He was able to secure a temporary peace with Rome. It is also hypothesised his Bussy started the third century crisis.

His first allies were the celtic tribe of Boii.

He has two sons, and an unknown wife. His two sons are Dick and Pussy, who will later inherit the Empire following his death.

When he was forced to escape to England following the Battle of Schorny, he fell sick and died after conquering Ireland and Scotland. It is unknown whether the Romans reconquered england in his life time or after he had died.